Dear Journal: Quatre
by alydhe
Summary: After blowing up at his secretary Iria suggests Quatre keep a journal [Early Work, Here for Archival purposes]
1. The new journal

Dear Journal: Quatre

By: Midnight Kisses 

Disclaimer: Wish I did. 

Warnings: Maybe OOC, angsty, maybe shounen ai, dunno yet. 

*** 

December 6th, AC 197 Dear Journal, Iria suggested I keep this after I got so stressed out last week I blew up at the secretary, said it might help relieve tension. I hope it works. My name is Quatre Rebarba Winner, Gundam pilot 04 of Sandrock, head of Winner Corporations, part-time preventor, I'm 17 years old. Shocked? So am I, and I live it! I guess I should start at the beginning huh? It all started in AC 193, I still shudder when I think of what a spoiled brat I was back then. I thought simply because I came from a test tube that I was disposable, unlovable, and could therefore do whatever I wanted. So I ran away, only to have my shuttle hijacked by a group of mercenaries called the Maguanacs. I somehow ended up fighting with them and gaining their respect. They gave me a new purpose and taught me how to live, for that I am eternally grateful. Then the doctor came with Sandrock, the Maguanacs had by that time drilled into me how important it was to fight for what you believe in, and I, like my father, believed in peace and equality. I once again defied my father, and became the pilot to my beloved Sandrock. I will never forget the first time I flew him. He reacted to the slightest touch and almost seemed to whisper to me. He was an extension of myself, one I had not known I was missing. As I soared among the stars that day I just threw my uchuu no kokoro open and felt everything. I felt so small and yet so big. Here I held the fate of the colonies in my hands, but I was only a boy, a disrespectful child. It was almost as though Sandrock knew how I felt, for all the beeping and whizzing just sort of died down, and it was just we and the stars. Rashid has often commented since then that Sandrock was like a mother guiding and protecting her young. Iria would probably send me to Alasha, my psychologist sister, if she read that. The only ones who can truly understand the bond between pilot and gundam are the other gundam pilots... and perhaps Zechs Marquise. When I learned of what Operation Meteor really was, I was crushed. I had put all my faith into the Barton Foundation and they had betrayed me. I spend my days after that trying to decide what to do, I didn't know if I should destroy Sandrock or fight the foundation. But I had no time to decide a course of action, for about a week after that my first orders came in and the doctor informed me of the self-destruct button he had installed. So at his recommendation, I took Sandrock to go join the Maguanacs and tread my own path. I had expected Rashid to accept me into the ranks, not for him to make me their official leader and project! They had decided the only way to both keep and eye on me and take advantage of my tactical skills was to bump me up the ranks to the head. I was terrified at first. Before I needed only to worry about my own life, now I was in charge of the fates of over a hundred men. Each battle I sent them into I couldn't help but think of their families, their favorite foods, their dancing, and their laughter. I went into each battle knowing that I may be ruining a life, perhaps several. But they depended on me, and so I pushed back my fear and did my best to ensure no mistakes. I know the name of every man under my command, and have memorized the personal data and face of each life lost under my command. It's funny, I never thought I'd find anything Treize and I had in common. Quatre Winner 

*** 

Notes: Okay all, want more journal entries? Want journals from the others? then tell me! I accept and live on all forms of feedback! 


	2. My companions part1

Dear Journal: Quatre By: Midnight Kisses Disclaimers: *opens a bottle of sarcasm* Yeah, sure I own them! Warnings: maybe OOC, a little angst, and a little humor, stir well and cook over medium heat. *** December 10, AC 197 Dear Journal, I've been thinking today about the first time I met Trowa, we tried to kill each other. Ha, seems to be a bit of a habit with our group. Trowa tries to kill me, Maguanacs try to kill Trowa, Heero tries to kill Relena, Duo tries to kill Heero, and Hilde tries to kill Duo. Rather violent way to meet new people don't you think? Anyway, Trowa and I had been 'locking horns', as Duo would say, for quite a while before I had finally had enough of fighting someone who could possibly prove to be an important ally so I open my hatch and stepped out. Trowa told me later that, at the time, he had thought I was the biggest idiot on the face of the earth. Here I was in a battle with another gundam, whose pilot I didn't know and I just open the hatch and expose myself. Maybe shock was what made him reciprocate before he knew what he was doing? At the compound we discovered we had a mutual love of classical music. One of Duo's favorite pastimes is to mention how we make 'beautiful music' together, and that he can't believe I let Trowa 'blow my flute' on the first date. *Sigh* took me four hours to convince my sisters I was not gay after they overheard some of his comments. I have yet to decide on an appropriate form of revenge. Heero was another big surprise, though I may lead in battle Heero is most defiantly the heart of our group. He seems so stoic at first glance but once you get to know him, or have an uchuu no kokoro, you realize that out of all of us he feels things the deepest. Dr. J was told by the foundation to train out his emotions, but the doctor seemed to think of Heero as son, in a twisted mad scientist- greatest experiment kind of way, and instead taught him how to hide his feelings. Looking back now I can see that it was all rather obvious. After all, his near fanatical focus on the mission pointed to a deep love and loyalty to the colonies. There was also the Noventa thing, where his guilt had him handing a pistol to every living relative of the General. And there was Relena. That reminds me of one of our get-togethers, It was the fourth of July of last year and Heero and Relena were huddled together talking. WuFei had huffed loudly and asked Heero when he was going to do the honorable thing and make an honest woman out of Relena. There was about a three-second pause before both Heero and Relena burst out laughing. No, not that maniacal battle cackle that sends shivers down your spine, a real laugh. Needless to say this had WuFei more than a little baffled until Heero explained that he did love Relena, but the way he would love a sister. Relena had then commented they would make better twins than they would husband and wife. Oh! The phone is ringing. Well journal, it seems I am about to attend another little get together, so until next time. Quatre Winner *** Thank Yous: Misura: I'm really glad you enjoy it, and more than likely I'll do some more on Quatre and then start on another wing boy. That is if this one is met with favorable reviews. BearcatPooka: Thank you very much, and chances are this won't be shounen ai. I just put that up so the option is open. Notes: Okay all, I am not a big 1XR fan. I can tolerate it if it's a sub-pairing. You may find some fairly unusual pairings in this fic, but I will try to do them tastefully. 


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